The last two and half weeks have been hard and I have really been stuggleing. We have had major car problems, sickness up the wazoo, things breaking, a new calling that has me feeling totally under qualified for, events that have gotten totally out of control, and the sadness of doing everything possible to see our family, having that not work out, and then feeling crapped on because even though we are doing our best, it is not enough (the silver lining to all of this is that Benjy still has his job, yeah!, and we know we can handle this stuff cuz we have been through worse:). While thinking about all of this and the best ways to handle stuff, examples of people around me keep floating to my mind.
While growing up, picking and choosing heroes was so easy. The list almost always includes parents, grandparents, teachers, coaches, and whom ever has the most popular show/song at the time. My list has drastically shortened the older I have gotten. During these last few weeks, I realized there are more people I look to for an example than I had previously realized. I have decided most of them belong on my list of heroes and the reasons why they belong there aren't normal reasons. I would love to give you everyone's names and reasons why they are on my list but in respect for their privacy, I'm not going to (Except for my mom and dad. They top the list and you all should know that).I do hope that from these peoples example I can learn to get some of these qualities. I want to be able to have and show genuine love for everyone around me. No matter peoples mistakes, current habits, living arrangements, or ways they view life, I want to be able to have a respect and love for them that is unconditional. I want to be a more supportive person. Especially with my family. I want to be able to show my kids I love them no matter what paths in life they choose to take, where they decide to live, or how wrong of decisions they make. I hope can develop better service habits. Instead of just thinking of ways to help people, I hope I do better at actually doing it. I need to do better at learning some kind of skill I can offer to people. I wish I could do better with handling stress. One of my heroes has this trait as a super power. I need learn more effective ways to keep my cool and just power through.
Anyways, the list goes on and on. This has been something that has really been weighing on me lately and I really felt like I needed to get it out in the open.
5 comments:
i'm sorry ash. i'm really curious what calling you have. lately i have been telling myself, "it can always be worse" and then i frantically try to feel blessed so the Lord doesn't feel the need to humble me more. :)
Ok, I think we are our own worst critic.... cause I think your amazing! And your going to be great in your calling! There is no one else I can think of that would be better! Plus, you know how to make pomegranate jelly, who else knows how to make that..... um, NOBODY!
We love you and pray for you. Love, Mom and Dad.
You must be your own hero because I think you described yourself perfectly! You have all those qualities! Seriously I think you handle stress very well! Thinking of the last time I saw you, everything was going wrong yet you weren't freaking out or crying like I would have been. I can barley drive to the airport and you can be brave and be alone in a big city without a car with a sick baby!! Your awesome and I have always thought that. Plus I still remember in high school when I was going through something, you had no idea but you showed up on my doorstep with a rose! Totally cheered me up enough that I still remember it!! Love ya!
Oh Ashley. I thought those feelings only existed in Gloom-uffalo. Hang in there. Anytime I look back at my bad times, I shudder. But that means I can look back. Things pass. Slowly, it seems most of the time, but as they do those little people in our life make it worth the hurt. Keep pushing it on!
and i am just a button push away.
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